On Friday, Oct 14, we had the 76th session in the ICFAI WiseViews series. The speaker was Sister Shivani of the Brahma Kumaris. The full recording of the session is available at:
Here is the link to the entire session:
About Sister Shivani
Sister BK Shivani has been a practitioner of Rajayoga Meditation of the Brahma Kumaris for over 25 years. Her practical application of spiritual principles on the TV programme 'Awakening With Brahma Kumaris', (running for over 15 years) has enabled people to overcome emotional distress, depression and relationship conflicts.
In March 2019, she was awarded the prestigious Nari Shakti Puraskaar, the highest civilian honour for women in India, for her role in transforming human behaviours. Since 2017, she has been Goodwill Ambassador for the World Psychiatrist Association.
The importance of emotional control
Emotional control is the key to a better quality of life. Once we get this right, we will regain control of our life and become healthier.
Before Covid, there was some awareness of emotional quotient. But it was more theoretical and not really applied in practice. But following the outbreak of the pandemic and the spike in mental health issues, emotional control has moved centre stage.
The key question Sister Shivani raised right at the start of the session was: Why are we so busy taking care of our roles, responsibilities, body, etc but not spending enough time taking care of the self?
We must appreciate that our body is not our self. That is why we say, “my body” but not “I body”. The body is only an instrument to interact with the outside world. Taking care of the body alone is not enough. We must also take care of our self. The self has to be nurtured with good thoughts, feelings and emotions.
We have started accepting emotions such as stress, fear, anger, jealousy, and comparison as normal. This is a dangerous trend. We must label these as negative emotions and get rid of them. If we accept these emotions as normal, we will end up creating more of them. For example, we should give up jealousy which results when we compare ourselves with others. Life is not a competition. It is a journey in which we work hard to improve ourselves. Similarly, stress is not something normal. It can lead to heart attacks and even death in extreme cases. We should try to reduce it.
The last two years have been tough. We must demonstrate empathy towards people and empower them. The word CEO now stands for Chief Empathy Officer/Chief Empowerment Officer!
In situations of extreme fear, words do not work. It is not enough to say: “Don’t worry. We are together.” We must radiate power. That in turn demands self-care. Only if we are emotionally strong, will we have the power to charge others.
As parents, we must maintain good emotional health. Then only our children will also be emotionally strong. The child consumes energy right from the time of taking birth in the womb. So we should be good role models for our children.
There is an external world which consists of the situations we face and an internal world which consists of our intentions, memories, emotions, etc. Whether we are happy, unhappy, angry, irritated, upset, we hold the external world responsible. This is an illusion that we must get rid of.
Stress = Pressure/Resilience.
Pressure is the situation we face. It consists of factors outside our control.
Coping skills make up inner resilience. They are within our control.
We have focused on the numerator and ignored the denominator. Building resilience is the essence of self-care. Despite increasing pressure, we can almost always reduce the stress levels.
We are the creators of the response to any situation. We cannot control the external world. But the inner world is our creation. We are the creation of every thought, feeling, behaviour, word in response to the situation. We can respond to the same situation in different ways: shout, feel irritated, be indifferent, etc. We could also talk to the other side and try to understand them and empathise with them. We are the creator of every thought and feeling. We can choose what to create. We must make the right choices.
On the shortage of time
It is an illusion that we are short of time. We think we are victims and do not have the time to do what we really want to do. We must ask ourselves: where is our time going?
All of us have a certain amount of stamina. Less stamina means things take longer to do. If we are not as emotionally fit as we have the capacity to be, we will take more time to get something done. So, the real problem is not the shortage of time but the lack of energy. We must build emotional stamina. If we are emotionally fit, we can do things quickly.
Stress and worry drain our energy. Our efficiency will come down. Everything depends on our state of mind. We must give top priority to taking care of our mind. It only takes a few minutes to do so. If we do not do so, we will end up doing ourselves a lot of harm.
Initially, people find it difficult to find the time needed to take care of our mind. They often start by making some adjustments. But within 3-4 months, they see a shift. After another 3-4 months, they start looking forward to their daily meditation. Then many people want to actively contribute to seva (a forum organized by the Brahma Kumaris, involving a congregation of large numbers of people). They suddenly realize they have a lot of time at their disposal.
When we are mentally strong, we finish things faster, there is less clutter in our mind and our decision making becomes faster and more intuitive. Thus, emotional stamina building is critically important.
On the need for lifestyle changes
What we watch, read or listen to determines what we become. We must have a good emotional diet. Excessive consumption of questionable content is the root cause of our problems. We must restrict content consumption and ensure that whatever we consume is of good quality.
Take the example of social media. It all began with the good intention of getting connected to others. But over time, we have started depending on it for public approval. We should not be unnecessarily influenced by what people say. Otherwise, we will become emotionally vulnerable. This applies even more to children.
If we are addicted to social media, we will end up becoming someone we are not. Content shapes our personality and determines our destiny. The tech companies are doing their business well and making a lot of money. But in the process, they are shaping our destiny in ways that may not be good for us.
Simple lifestyle changes can help us a lot. When we wake up, we must not look at the phone or check email. At least for one hour, we should stay away from the phone. We must not consume any content (lust, anger, violence, etc) that is not needed. We should not watch the news (especially Indian TV channels!).
For at least 20 minutes in the morning and before we go to bed, we should consume a healthy emotional diet. We must consume content related to what we want to become: content of acceptance, gratitude, sharing, etc. We must begin the morning with gratitude to the supreme power, to the mind and body, to people, to our work and to nature. If we tune the mind to a frequency of gratitude, we will start accepting things more easily. We can also do some spiritual study or read a book on self-transformation. This kind of healthy emotional diet is needed at the beginning of the day. We should also end the day consuming quality content. This will give us good sleep as we will now see.
The sleep cycle
The sleep cycle has a deep impact on emotional health. Most of us sleep the required number of hours but we do not sleep in the right manner. That is why we are not fresh and energetic in the morning. If we sleep properly, we will be able to wake up on our own. We should sleep early by 9: 30 or 10 pm. Then we will wake up between 4 and 5 am. This is the time of highest vibration, creativity and intuitive power. We call it the Brahma Muhurtha or Amrit Vela.
Two hours before going to sleep, or at least for one hour, we must disconnect from our work. If we don't do this, our mind will remain awake. And we will be thinking a lot. We must also disconnect from any other kind of content which makes the mind active. We should read a good book or listen to music or just do nothing. In short, we should slow down the mind.
About 15 minutes before sleep, we must consume some high-quality content. This is the emotional diet. If we consume lust, anger, greed, criticism, at bedtime, our mind will be restless. That means more sleep will be needed. If we sleep right, we will need to sleep for fewer hours.
We should digest the content before sleeping and not try to digest it during sleep. Then we will wake up early, fully energized. If we have any burden, we must write it out. We should not carry any mental burden when we go to sleep. This way, we can take the mind to the state of highest vibration. We will get the two hours back in the morning because we will have to sleep less. We will also be more creative and energetic.
Responding to a question later in the session, Sister Shivani explained that we go through four stages of sleep:
Beta: State of being awake.
Alpha: The mind slows down.
Theta: The mind slows down further.
Delta: Deep sleep
While sleeping, we should try to be in the theta or delta stage. If we are dreaming a lot, it means we are in the alpha stage. In that case, we are thinking a lot while sleeping and not getting energised. The trick is to ensure that we have slowed the mind down sufficiently before going to sleep.
Q&A
On her journey
About 25 years back, Sister Shivani was introduced to spirituality and meditation by her parents. She initially refused but on seeing her parents become emotionally very strong due to meditation, she followed in their footsteps. She and her husband had set up a software company. She managed work and home while finding an hour every day for spirituality.
Initially, she did these spiritual pursuits for herself. But gradually, as her batteries got charged, she found herself improving in terms of empathy and emotional stability. She started to share her experiences with others. Some took to it, others ridiculed, and quite a few rejected it. As her interest in spirituality grew, she shifted to Gurgaon to spend more time at the Manesar retreat centre.
One day, to step in for someone who was absent, Sister Shivani found herself in a television studio. She did not want the publicity and she was also unprepared. During the show, she initially remained silent. But as the show progressed, things started falling in place. The conversation became so stimulating that eight episodes were shot that day. The TV show has now been going on for about 15 years.
The key message from Sister Shivani: When we take care of ourselves, our energy levels grow, we start radiating energy and begin to influence others. Just by listening to Sister Shivani on these television shows, the lives of many people have been transformed.
On how the sevas are run
Sister Shivani narrated how the sevas in Mt Abu are run. About 1500 people assemble for sevas and they go on 24X7. People come from all religions and backgrounds and cultures. It is more challenging to manage a seva than a home or an organization. Self-care is what holds people together. When people devote time to self-care, their energy starts flowing, they feel happy and they are willing to share and give. Life in an ashram is more hectic than even in organizations. But the daily spiritual routine and the attention to self-care bring everyone together without the need for hierarchy.
On religion and spirituality
There are two key words: Dharma (duty) and Karma (action). As leaders we should become Karma yogis. Dharma and Karma should be aligned. Then only our life will be meaningful. We should be discharging our duties in a high vibration energy state. All religions teach the same principles of living, being and our duty to be peaceful, stable, understanding, respectful and empathetic towards others. The essence of religion is purity, peace, unity and love.
On the importance of physical health
It is important but generally, we tend to pay more attention to physical than mental health. Even if our body is fit but we have an unhealthy mind, negative emotions will manifest themselves as disease in the human body. The word human being has two parts: Human which refers to the body and being which refers to the self. If we do not take care of both body and mind, we will not be healthy.
On overcoming guilt
We often tend to be self-critical. Guilt is a constant subconscious music that keeps humming within us all the time. We have grown up thinking that it is good to feel guilty. Guilt is not a good feeling to have. We should realize our mistake, change and move on. Meditation, exercise and the content we consume can help in this regard.
On dealing with family members and team members who are in low vibration state
We must first work on ourselves. As we take care of ourselves, our energy increases. This energy does not stay within us. It radiates outwards and empowers others. We cannot transform people by asking them to change. We must become role models. We must radiate energy so that others feel the impact. On the other hand, if we look stressed, it will have a negative impact on others.
On curing diseases and ailments
The Brahma Kumaris are studying the impact of lifestyle changes on Diabetes and Coronary Artery disease. There is enough evidence that along with meditation and spirituality, changes in eating, sleeping and thinking patterns can have a salutary impact on our health. Patients who have these diseases report good progress. The vibrations created by a better lifestyle lead to an improvement in the physical condition. In the case of heart patients, severe artery blockages get removed. The patients cannot go off medication when they arrive at the ashram but gradually, the medication is reduced as the impact of the lifestyle changes is felt.
On the importance of intent
Our thought processes, ways of behaving and ways of doing things may be different. But if our intent is the same and we have a common thread of principles (maryada) we can together create miracles.
On trust
Trust is a beautiful quality. Trusting people is an inherently good thing to do. The world runs on trust. However, when someone who we trust does not behave in the way we expect them to, we should not get hurt. We can develop a sense of calm and detachment through meditation. The sisters of Brahma Kumaris are available to assist us across the country.
On dealing with jealousy and other wrong behaviours
We should not be a part of another person’s unethical behaviour. We should not keep silent when such things are going on. However, we should show some compassion for these people. They may be behaving so because they are unhappy, or they are feeling insecure.
On how self-care works at a group level
If everyone works on self-care at a personal level, it will have a multiplicative impact at a group level. Those who are practising self-care can share their experiences and personal examples with others. We could invite a speaker to address the team. However, we should not expect others to follow immediately what we are doing. We should give them enough time to make the change.
