An evening with Ms D Chaya
Introduction
On February 9, we had an engaging session by Ms. Chaya D. She shared her inspiring journey of compassion and empowerment in the face of adversity, and how she has been making a difference and spreading the message that "Bald is Beautiful."
About Ms Chaya D
With over 35 years of international and domestic experience in the hospitality industry, Ms Chaya D brings a wealth of expertise and insight, meticulously cultivated through years of dedicated service. Her detailed exposure to housekeeping, training, and formulating departmental SOPs, combined with her proficiency in marketing, sales, and business development, exemplifies her multifaceted skill set.
Throughout her illustrious career, Ms Chaya has held pivotal roles with renowned brands such as The Oberoi Group, The Taj Group, and IHHR Hospitality. In all these roles, she has made invaluable contributions be it operations management, human resources, or recruitment.
As the Principal Consultant of The Talent Bridge, Ms Chaya continues to redefine excellence by offering tailored training solutions, 'Train the Trainer' workshops, and team-building initiatives. Her commitment to continuous learning and improvement serves as a testament to her unwavering dedication to excellence.
Ms Chaya’s exceptional communication and presentation skills, coupled with fluency in six Indian languages, enable her to effectively engage with diverse audiences across multicultural environments.
After her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018, Ms. Chaya embarked on a mission to donate her hair. This was initially to support her mother's anxiety about losing her hair during chemotherapy. What started as a gesture of love for her mother evolved into a larger mission to restore the confidence of cancer patients. Through multiple hair donations and organizing a crowdfunding drive, Ms. Chaya has helped provide over 700 free wigs to cancer survivors in Hyderabad. Her selfless acts challenge societal beauty standards and advocate for inclusivity. She is proving that true beauty lies not in appearance but in compassion and giving back to others in need.
The early years
Ms Chaya grew up in Orissa in a small conservative family. She was one of three daughters. She was academically good. The young Chaya was proud of her long hair. She would plait her hair and wear flowers. She never imagined herself with short hair leave alone being bald.
On baldness
Baldness has never been equated with beauty in women. In fact, in India, tonsure is usually done for girls only as part of fulfilling a vow at a temple. Moreover, in the hotel industry, where she began her career, there were strict norms for women when it came to the appearance and dress. For both long and short hair, there were norms. Hair tonsure was not even considered. Her children also grew up with long plaited hair.
In 1979, Persis Khambatta the famous model broke all norms when she shaved off her hair. This was for her role as the bald Deltan navigator Lieutenant Ilia in Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979). Khambatta still remains the reference for women going bald.
Another epochal event was Raj Kapoor’s movie Prem Rog. In that movie, the young widow, Padmini Kolhapure was asked to shave off her hair. It was clear from the movie that baldness is associated with widowhood.
Going further back in time, in the Mahabharata, Draupadi’s open hair and refusal to braid until she had her revenge was the chief contributor to the Mahabharata war. Draupadi was one of the most beautiful women in the world, with long hair. Instructed by Duryodhana, Dushasana had pulled her by the hair and brought her to the court. What if Draupadi had short hair or she had been bald?
There are many such examples of how long hair has been associated with women. Baldness and women have never gone together. Moreover, society also attaches sadness to baldness.
Women have a genetic predisposition to having long hair. But that does not mean women have accepted it.
The turning point
The turning point for Ms Chaya came in 2018 when her younger daughter graduated in psychology and joined a cancer hospital in Bangalore. Her mother visited the hospital casually to see her granddaughter’s workplace. After a routine check-up, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The family was in a state of shock. In movies, one saw others getting cancer or TB. But having a close family member afflicted with cancer was very different.
There were discussions on what had to be done. Finally, the recommended treatment consisted of surgery followed by chemotherapy and radiation. Chemotherapy was emotionally debilitating for Ms Chaya’s mother as it would lead to hair loss. The doctor did not show much empathy and asked why at the age of 79, Ms Chaya’s mother was worried about losing hair. Ms Chaya’s mother stood her ground. She decided not to undergo chemotherapy. The incident stuck a chord with Ms Chaya.
Patients who went through mastectomy were offered prosthetic breasts. Free bandanas were being distributed. But no one paid much attention to hair loss, even though it was traumatic for patients.
Hair donation for a cause
In 2019, Ms Chaya visited a local beauty parlour which had a tie up with Adayar Cancer Hospital. She gave up 8 inches of her long hair. Next year, she gave 6 inches of hair.
In 2021, she moved back to Hyderabad. Her mother was in her third year of remission. She met Shiva, who had set up Hyderabad Hair Donation 99, an organization that was collecting hair to make wigs for cancer patients. The hair contributed by 7 people could be converted to one wig. Shiva was distributing wigs which cost Rs 400o free to the patients. Shiva was doing this out of his concern for cancer patients, even though he had been trained by Lakme as hair stylist and could have earned lakhs as a professional hairdresser.
In February 2022, Ms Chaya tonsured her hair for the first time. It was not for a religious cause but to support cancer patients. Many of us give our hair to God. But God is not asking for our hair. We are giving it on our own. If we can choose to give it in a temple, why not give it to help fellow human beings? Many discouraged her. But she has continued the practice. In July 2023, she donated her hair for the fourth time.
Long hair has come to symbolize the beauty of women. But for Ms Chaya, beauty is internal. It has nothing to do with hair. This is the journey of an “accidental altruist”.
November is often observed as a no shave month when men stop shaving. In November 2023, men started shaving their beards to support prostate and testicular cancer. Ms Chaya is happy with this development.
Q&A
Training can make an impact on the lives of people. That is what prompted Ms Chaya to shift from operations to training.
Her style as a trainer is not to make PPTs but narrate her stories. When she narrates her life experiences, she inspires students to make a great impact.
All of us have personal experiences. But we do not reflect and document them. That is why we are not good at story telling. Reading helps to add on to the stories.
Ms Chaya admitted she did not become an entrepreneur by choice. She lost her job in 2009. That is how she ventured out on her own. It was a struggle initially. But she has no regrets. In a job, you are in one place. But as an entrepreneur, you can be in many places.
Ms Chaya’s mother and sister were in tears, when she first went bald. Her sister offered a scarf to cover her head. But Ms Chaya refused.
Dealing with perceptions is probably the biggest challenge. How society perceives us matters. We may say we don’t care. But it does matter. We must member that we dress up not for ourselves but for others. The perception of people looking at her after she shaved off her hair was the biggest challenge.
Once Ms Chaya had to train a group of salespeople for a large corporation in Hyderabad. People wondered whether they would laugh at her appearance. When she asked them what they thought of her baldness, 60% felt she had given it way at Tirupati, 20% at Yadagirigutta and the remaining felt it was a fashion statement. But no one thought of supporting cancer.
In a lighter vein, Ms Chaya remarked that a bald head means less maintenance. it also means standing under the shower can be challenging, and the cold winters can bite you, as she recently experienced in Delhi.
Giving up her hair was a personal decision. Persuading others to do the same is not easy. It requires courage to give up hair. But there are other ways in which people can help. They can make monetary contributions. What about CSR initiatives? Can we use crowdfunding not just for cancer but for other diseases as well? Like blood donation camps, can we sign up people (say one out of 100) for donating their hair?
A wig is only a remedial measure, like a band aid. We must reach out to patients and encourage them to talk to mental health specialists. We must form small groups and talk to the patients. We must keep telling them it is ok even though it is not ok. Many people do not acknowledge the need for mental support from psychologists. Companies are also not sensitive to mental health problems. We can do much more to provide emotional support to cancer patients.
In 2022, Ms Chaya (after shaving off her hair) was in a restaurant in Pune. At another table, she saw a young woman, completely bald enjoying a conversation with her friends. Ms Chaya decided to talk to the woman and told her she looked beautiful. The young woman’s response was she was a leukaemia patient. “A few more people like you will make a big difference.”
Motivation must come from inside. The effect of monetary incentives dies out soon, say by the end of the month. What matters is how we feel about our decision. The support of family and friends is also important.
What truly distinguishes Ms Chaya is her ability to inspire and empower individuals across various age groups and levels of expertise. Whether it is delivering dynamic training sessions or leading transformative leadership workshops, she has consistently demonstrated her ability to catalyze personal and professional growth.
Sharing personal examples is one way of helping people to grow. Now, growth is often equated with success. The starting point is to define success. It need not be in terms of only money, position, or global recognition.
Most companies pay lip service to personal growth. Personal growth needs a human connection. It results when we treat employees as people. Personal growth happens when the general manager in a hotel walks around the floor and calls people by name and talks to them about their family and other personal issues. We must recognize employees as human beings and not by their ID.
Humility trumps boldness. Boldness means being brash or aggressive. It will not get us anywhere as people will oppose us. Yes. In some situations, a higher degree of assertiveness is required. But in general, humility is recommended.
There was a recent coverage of Ms Chaya in TOI. But that is not what she is looking for. She has not done this for recognition. She has genuinely believed in the cause.
We should not try to convince people to become entrepreneurs. Many people need the security of a regular job. Entrepreneurship involves risk. People must find the need to become entrepreneurs. If we are successful entrepreneurs, we can tell people about our journey. We must allow them to decide for themselves what they want to do.
It is like training. We should ask questions but enable the participants to find their own answers. The answer may differ from person to person. A prescriptive approach may not work.
Entrepreneurship needs a combination of attributes. Knowledge in books must be leveraged. This can form the base. On top of that, we need both technical and soft skills. Most important is attitude.
Ms Chaya recalls the days when she did not have a regular job and she had become an entrepreneur. She had taken a Rs 5 lakhs loan for her daughter’s education. She had sleepless nights. But she decided to take “one day at a time”. She looked around her and knew support would come. In tough situations, our network becomes important. A war chest of people is more valuable than a war chest of money. Even a few words of encouragement can make a big difference.
Most institutions are paying lip service. As Prof Prasad explained, learning is not about us (the institutions and the teachers). It is about them. Our focus should be on outcomes and not grades. We must let the students evolve by providing them the environment and support. We must give students space to express their viewpoint. Ms Chaya added that the focus should not be on finishing the syllabus. We must not bucket students and tell them what they should do. We must leave them free to figure out for themselves what they want to do in life.